Central Intelligence (2016)

“Once a fat kid, always a fat kid.”

What’s it about?

A reunion of a guy who peaked at high school and a guy who never stopped lifting weights after high school turns into a spy mission to stop the Black Badger from selling satellite codes or something? Who cares about the plot, right?

Who’s in it?

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Kevin Hart, Aaron Paul (Bitch), Jason Bateman and Holly Flax from The Office doing her best Amanda Waller impression.

Why should I watch it?

+ Chemistry between The Rock and Kevin Hart is the strongest point of the movie
+ Enjoyable to watch their back and forth
+ The most popular kid isn’t actually the bully, young Kevin Hart looked great btw
+ The Rock plays a very different character, a man child with the skills of Jason Bourne
+ And his emoji and gif game are on point
+ Jason fucking Bateman, absolutely love that dude
+ More of a mean funny, like in Bad Words or after he swapped bodies with Ryan Reynolds in The Change-Up (Underrated movie, I thought)
+ Apparently he didn’t learn anything after The Gift
+ Totally unexpected how he wasn’t scared of The Rock
+ Hand to hand and gun fight scenes were decent, not as good as Spy though
+ Aaron Paul can’t go anywhere without that classic line, can he?
+ Different versions of the same flashback
+ Therapy and opening the door scenes made me laugh out load
+ Taylor Swift jab #TeamCalvinHarris #IsThatStillGoingOn? #NowIFeelOld
+ Surprise cameos
+ Guessing game is done pretty well, whether he’s acting dumb or he’s just like that
+ Was shocked at how well they captured what bullying is like and it’s effects later on, how people see themselves
+ Especially that mirror scene, shit was deep
+ Little Hart and big Johnson is one of the best film taglines I’ve seen in a while
+ Bloopers at the end were jokes

Why shouldn’t I watch it?

– First of all, why the fuck is he showering during the last school assembly anyway?
– Bit too convenient that Kevin Hart’s job is exactly the type of skill The Rock needed
– And his infatuation with Kevin Hart is pretty creepy as well
– He hasn’t seen this guy since high school right?
– Are fannypacks back?
– Bully getting his come-uppance was quite tame, could’ve done that better
– The Rock was a bit annoying at times
– That wut-wuuuuut thing is fucking whack
– If you’re bored of the whole Kevin Hart routine, you might wanna skip this
– It’s like they had a meeting to decide which ending to use and some guy called Luke suggested, “Fuck it, why don’t we just use them all?”
– Fuck you, Luke

Anything else?

I’d describe it as this year’s slightly less funnier version of Spy. A much improved version of Ride Along, The Rock is a massive improvement over Ice Cube and Kevin Hart is dialled back a bit. Fucking insane how The Rock is the highest paid actor in 2016, hard work pays off over talent sometimes man. Really funny movie, it’s worth a shot.

7/10

You might also like:
Spy
The Other Guys
21/22 Jump Street