The Shallows (2016)

“I’m not dying here.”

What’s it about?

A shark is living quietly in it’s natural habitat when a dangerous and terrifying white girl from Texas decides to crash it’s peaceful life.

Who’s in it?

Blake Lively in a bikini, a beautiful nameless beach, Steven Seagull and a shark that doesn’t take no for an answer.

Why should I watch it?

+ Blake Lively carried the film pretty well
+ Didn’t really require some serious acting though, her character basically takes a beating the entire movie
+ The beach is real pretty, lots of beautiful scenery shots
+ Story of survival
+ She’s put in a scenario where she just has enough of the right assets and skills to make it through
+ Bit like how Matt Damon was a botanist in The Martian, here she’s a medical student who rides the waves
+ Good problem solving skills, timing the shark and stiching herself up
+ Know what this director is really good at doing? Blending text messages etc into scenes
+ Looked great in Non-Stop too
+ Slo mo scene hitting coral was cool
+ Shark has decent CGI, it’s believable
+ Has an intimidating presence, showing the fin and silhouette
+ Like how people just disappear when the waves block the view
+ Some scenes will get you on the edge of your seat, especially as someone who isn’t initated in the art of swimming
+ Steven Seagull stole the show, great comedic timing and made people laugh
+ Can’t wait to see how this opens doors for him in bigger movies
+ Run time is short and sweet, which is ideal for contained thrillers
+ Oh, and Blake Lively arse shots

Why shouldn’t I watch it?

– How the fuck does she get internet in a secluded island?
– I can’t even get an internet connection at home sometimes
– Don’t trust drunk people to save your life
– Get why they added the emotional connection but it doesn’t get that “deep”
– The Shallows? Not that deep? Holy shit, I’m funny
– Isn’t really a scary film, if you know what I mean
– As a non-swimmer, I think I’m more scared of the deep water than the shark
– Not sure if the shark is hungry or just like killing things?
– I mean, it just had one bite off that whale and it only cut that other dude in half
– Is the shark just a picky eater?
– If someone who looks like they aren’t in the best shape and they’re yelling “Shaaaark!”
– Never respond with “There are no sharks here”
– Flare-ectile dysfunction, maybe the flare gun got nervous being handled by Blake Lively? She is pretty hot right?
– Really girly songs feel out of place, she’s supposed to be a badass man!
– Her talking to herself as she would’ve talked to her patients was cheesy AF
– Okaaaaay… That’s one way to end the movie I suppose?

Anything else?

Again, full disclosure: I have been drinking before watching this movie so you should probably listen to someone else who was a little bit more sober. It’s a bit like The Martian mixed with 127 Hours (especially with the quality time with the camera thing) but with a whole lot more Blake Lively arse shots. General response with The Shallows? It is what it is. If you’ve been waiting for a good shark movie to fill your appetite, then don’t be scared to dip your toes in this ocean.

Also, if anyone is looking for a name for the porn parody of this film, go with The Swallows. Thank me later.

6/10

You might also like:
127 Hours
Buried
The Martian