X-Men: Apocalypse (2016)

“I feel a great swell of pity for the poor soul who comes to my school looking for trouble.”

What’s it about?

A force named Apocalypse awakens after many years of being buried alive and he’s dead set on cleansing the world because mutants follow paralysed blind leaders. Basically if the world was a laptop, we’ve all been clicking questionnable websites and now the admin wants to reboot and reset us back to factory settings.

Who’s in it?

Okay, there’s *inhales* Jennifer Lawrence, James McAvoy, Michael Fassbender, Nicholas Hoult, Evan Peters, Oscar Isaac, Sansa Stark, Olivia Munn, Alexandra Shipp, Tye Sheridan, Ben Hardy,  Rose Byrne and Kodi Smit-McPhee. *exhales*

Why should I watch it?

+ Returning cast were great, especially McAvoy and Fassbender, they really made the characters their own
+ Don’t even think of McKellen and Stewart anymore when I think of Magneto and Professor X
+ Lawrence was excellent as Katniss, basically that old veteran that keeps repeating words like fight and war
+ Liked her line about the lack of war doesn’t equal peace, had a very Cold War vibe to it
+ Hands down, Quicksilver steals the show with his amazing scenes (yes, plural!)
+ Never noticed how fast he really is, he still zips around quickly even though he’s in slow mo mode already
+ Newcomers were also really good, nice introductions
+ Liked the adventures of the squad consisting of Cyclops, Jean and Nightcrawler
+ I’m all for a Jean and Scott love story, they had great chemistry
+ Nightcrawler also pulls off a few funny moments
+ Apocalypse comes across as menacing and all powerful
+ Liked how he gets powers by transferring his conscience, a little bit Sylar-esque (shout to to anyone who got that reference)
+ Great to see Moira back, Prof X needs some love too
+ Wolverine cameo, he appears more animalistic
+ Sets up his third movie very vaguely as well
+ Can’t wait to see how they tackle The Dark Phoenix Saga this time around

Why shouldn’t I watch it?

–  Compared to past films, the story was way too simple and wasn’t as compelling as the whole humans/mutant relations angle
– It was basically like: I’m gonna destroy the world. Cool. I’m gonna wipe everything out. Yeah, we heard you the first time. I’m serious, I mean like everything. Mate, why are you still here then?
– Wasn’t as much action too, most of the action comes from the final (and only) battle
– For being basically a god, the mechanism of the mind transfer isn’t very efficient at all
– It’s like connecting your phone through your laptop to the speakers just to play a song
– Just connect the aux to your phone man!
– Also, if he wanted the most powerful mutants on his roster why the fuck did he choose a guy with wings? He really settled there
– And I feel like having Prof X’s power isn’t even a big deal. If everyone wore a metal bowl on their head, he’ll just look like a guy intensely staring at you while he holds two fingers to his temple
– It’s a little bit creepy to see Wolverine meeting young Jean too right? Knowing that he’ll try to seduce her with his pelvic sorcery later on
– Personally, I don’t think Apocalypse gave the new world a chance. He’s missing out on some funny vines and funny cat videos. Egyptians loved their cats right?
– Hey, if the whole destroying/rebuilding the world thing doesn’t work out, he can always have a career in hairdressing. Storm and Prof X look on point with their new hairstyles
– The ‘third film isn’t as good’ jab aimed at The Last Stand was pretty jokes but they also kinda shot themselves in the foot

Anything else?

Full disclosure, I was pretty tipsy when I watched this movie so you probably should be better off listening to someone else who was a little bit more sober. As you can see, this post is less of a review and more of a collection of shitty jokes. It’s not as good as First Class or DOFP but still worth checking out. All in all, this was probably like the Dark Knight Rises of The Dark Knight Trilogy. 

7/10

You might also like:
X-Men: First Class
X-Men: Days of Future Past
Deadpool

Advertisements

55 thoughts on “X-Men: Apocalypse (2016)

  1. The fact that Apocalypse was missing on some cool stuff like vines and cats videos really made me laugh.😂 As always a realistic and very funny review👍 I plan to watch it tonight at the cinema!

    Liked by 2 people

      1. To my surprise I actually made it to the cinema to watch it, thanks to my brother as I don’t enjoy going alonr. Downside I only just saw it 1 hour ago and not on Friday as originally planed. Anyway, I wanted to share some first impressions with you, before preparing a full review. I LOVED Quicksilver especially the scene where he saves all the students from the blast, but also when he kicks Apocalypse’s ass/face. I’m not one of those that pays attention to flaws, as I’m sure there are some, because I love the Marvel Cinematic Universe so much that it doesn’t matter to me. In my hunble opinion I think this is one of the best movies made this year (and maybe in the last couple of years). I also liked how they explained Charles baldness and I didn’t like that Wolverine was Weapon X, but liked his scene with Jean. Looking at my comment now I realise that I gave more than just a first impression. The rest I’ll write in a full post!🙈😁

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Aha Quicksilver scenes were soooo good! Along with that music too. Best movie made this year and maybe last couple? Wow that’s a big shout! Aha did you like this better than Civil War? Glad you liked it that much though, just wished I was on the same level as you aha I’ll keep an eye out for your full review!

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Now I think I might have overreacted a little bit (it always happens right after the movie is over). I still think it was an awesome movie, like I said I love superheroes movies. I liked it a little more than Civil War. Before I was a big fan of Iron-Man and throughout the movie my opinion on him only degraded. I was on Captain’s side for the whole movie and now he is my favourite superhero. After re-reading your points I realised some of Apocalypse’s flaws, but they didn’t make a difference to me. Btw did you watch the after-credits scenes? If so, what did you think of them?

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Aha all good, I do that after a film too. I did watch it, a lot of people walked off. But yeah, to be honest, I didn’t really get what’s going on. I have no clue what that Essex thingy was. What did you think of it?

        Liked by 1 person

      5. I wasn’t the only one that stayed. I guess there were others who knew that Marvel has a thing for post credits scenes. I assumed whoever was in charge of Essex Corp was the one behind all experiments, like Weapon X, but then I remembered that person was Stryker. I looked it up and apparently it has something to do with Mr Sinister and hints towards the next Wolverine and Gambit movies. Now I’m even more excited about these movies!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Great post, glad you enjoyed the film as I love it. (Warning: The rest of this comment does contains some spoilers as part of my discussion – go see the film first)
    What is really resonating with me is how everyone is reacting to Apocalypse himself, and how everyone is commenting on how ‘for a god he’s a not all powerful’. No-body seems to be cluing in that he isn’t all powerful, but you believe that and expect him to be more than he is, because he spent centuries spinning propaganda (that became legend by the 1980s) that he is this all-powerful creature when in truth he isn’t. This is how great leaders over the centuries have portrayed themselves in order for the populace to have confidence in their rule. This didn’t work in Ancient Egypt, hence the organisation against him; they proclaimed him a false god because they saw through the propaganda – yes he’s powerful but he’s defeatable.
    He has to surround himself with strong allies that help protect him against the few weaknesses he does have; making them pawns in a way that will sacrifice themselves (whether intentionally or not) in his fight. One of them does this in Ancient Egypt while he’s going through the process of getting the sort of healing powers that Wolverine seems to have; despite having telekinetic powers his ally used them to protect him and not save herself. Angel ends up doing the same thing, unintentionally (that and I think he was chosen to be the thug rather than the brains of his followers).
    In truth the slower development towards the final battle happens because Apocalypse knows his limitations, and only on learning about Charles’ power does he see a way of defeating the ‘systems and superpowers’ of this new world he’s found himself in, and then taking that power for himself. Having Charles power is the final piece he needs in order to conquer the world – he can heal and with Charles he can defeat free-will that can betray him. It is quite possible that the only person who could defeat him then would be Jean who he sees as an equal when she finally unleashes her power, because let’s face it why would Apocalypse have given Magneto a helmet that worked against him?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Awesome comment. Well, I wouldn’t necessarily say it’s propaganda. I mean, the guy pretty much destroyed a city and turned a lot of people to dust. I think people turned on him because they thought calling himself a god was blasphemy. And they waited for him to exchange his conscience where he is weakest to strike. Meaning he must be powerful. That’s the thing, wel’ll never really know what his powers actually are because it was left very vague. Also it’s kinda a shitty power to enhance other people’s powers but not yours right? Aha I don’t really get why he needs Prof X’s powers. He’s immune to it anyway and I don’t think he needed it to pull off his plan. He could’ve done it himself. And I thought his plan was to kill everyone and leave the strongest ones, now he wants to control everyone?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m not denying he definitely has power; yes he wants to destroy the world and leave only the strongest. He wants the Prof’s power to make sure the strongest don’t use that strength against him. Those that are strongest and able to survive his apocalypse aren’t necessarily going to be on his side. With the Prof’s power he will become everyone, there won’t be any individuality left. A true apocalypse of the human race, as it is our individuality that makes us who we are; his grand plan is to become everyone and control everything. That is his vision of power; no free will and absolute domination.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. But the thing is he held back cyclops, storm and magneto with ease at that point. He wasn’t really fighting back either and they were also pretty much on steroids. I’d rather have the story as strong mutants bowing to him because he is all powerful, not about him being paranoid about people backstabbing him, and then jean grey comes down and gives him a body check. Also not sure if he fully thought out his plan, so he basically becomes the last man on earth. Sounds like it could get boring aha

        Like

      3. It might be boring but it would be ordered and shaped to his perfect vision. That vision could change over time, or it might not. He comes from a time when the world was a much smaller place; global communication if possible would have been painfully slow to us. To him true global reach would have been beyond his wildest dreams in the days of Ancient Egypt and as far as he’s concerned his desire is all that matters.
        Also I don’t know about the strong mutants bowing down to him; there would be no conflict then. The most interesting character developments was Storm and Magneto turning on him and Psylocke’s reaction that he was defeated. She wanted the power he was offering her at his side; the other two choose their morals which had been confused for a bit.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I think this is one of those times where people agree to disagree. Great debate though, always glad to see someone be very passionate about stuff.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Gonna see this movie Memorial Day Weekend. I’ve heard mixed reviews from people about it, but I usually do like X-Men movies. Trying to walk into theater with an open mind. Btw….good review.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I didn’t hate it but it could’ve been better. That’s probably the move man, open mind and judge it for yourself. Hope you enjoy it and thanks dude!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. “pelvic sorcery” aha well put man. So far this film sounds like it’s as mediocre as I originally anticipated it to be. Also I dont think I can bare to sit through Jennifer Lawrence’s “blue Katniss” acting for another two hours. Looks like I’m gonna give this one a pass (also can we get some more ‘Drunk Diego reviews’ on here please?).

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Shout out to Guardians of the Galaxy aha between me and you, I wasn’t really excited for it either. Check it out at some point though man, might change your mind. Aha you’re gonna turn me into an alcoholic man aha

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Jennifer Lawrence put me to sleep every time she was on screen, if she don’t care anymore I’d rather her just leave. Apocalypse was boring and the final battle was weak but I loved everything else. Like BvS, it’s not perfect but the positives out weigh the negatives.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Completely agree with your overall thoughts man. You’d think for someone trying to destroy the world there would be more battles right?

      Like

  6. Ok, you’ve gone full throttle here, man. Seriously how do you come up with these jokes? “I’m gonna destroy the world.” “Cool.” (Me: *Dead*)
    Saw the movie earlier today and was like meh…not as good as DOFP but okay. Really enjoyed the climax though…and Sansa going all barbeque on Apocalypse.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. “Basically if the world was a laptop, we’ve all been clicking questionnable websites and now the admin wants to reboot and reset us back to factory settings.”

    Pretty accurate, hahahaha. I love the Dark Phoenix in the 90’s cartoons! I hope they do this right if they ever went in that direction.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Aw man I loved this movie. It’s the best movie I’ve seen so far this year. Personally, I think it was better than Days of Future Past but only marginally. Still doesn’t touch on First Class, though.

    What really made it for me was Fassbender’s performance. Like, I’m not saying everybody else wasn’t pretty good, but I’ve seen a LOT of Fassbender movies, even ones he’s got big awards nominations for, and this was by far his best performance I’ve ever seen. He was just sooo good.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Really? So it’s First Class, Apocalypse then DOFP for you? Interesting. I think mines DOFP, First Class then Apocalypse.
      Yeah he’s great, isn’t he? Magneto seems to get shit on a lot though aha no wonder he’s moody.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. I completely trashed this film. I was so angry with it. It should have been much better than it was and that annoyed me a lot because t felt lazy to me. I loved the new characters but am so tired of the X-Men films not writing some of the most complex films well enough. It’s getting tired now. Loved this post though: “It’s like connecting your phone through your laptop to the speakers just to play a song”. Brilliant.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Dude, I know what you’re talking about. That happened to me with BvS. Were you not a fan of DOFP? Aha thanks man! I should drink more often aha

      Like

What did you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s